Christmas...Yay!!!!!! Regrets...boo.

Dear Realizations,

I wish you would have come sooner.

Sincerely, Regrets.

dearblankpleaseblank.com

So after a very good Christmas, my thoughts betrayed me and reminded me of something I don't like to think about (No, I will not tell anyone what that is, so don't ask!).

We have all been through our own versions of tough times, and sometimes, it is our own mistakes that create those rough situations. But I have learned to cope with those decisions to save myself from further hurt in the future. Even though life was unbearably hard during some of these periods, I am glad to have had these experiences to learn from. I know now what NOT to do in certain situations because of what I didn't know back then (does that make sense?).

But...

...whenever I think about this particular moment in my life, I just start getting really angry. I didn't learn anything. Nothing good came from this...so yeah, I wish this (event/person/decision/in-grown-toenail) never happened or was never part of my life.

Things were fine before 7788 (that's what I will use to designate my "catastrophic" memory). So why is 7788 part of my thoughts? Why did 7788 walk into my life?

For those of you who might read this and say, "Oh shut up with this BS whiny, crap. Move on!" ...well, I want to. I used to think 7788 wouldn't bother me anymore. I thought I had gotten it out of my system...removed it from my psyche...replaced it with happier memories...but I didn't, at least not yet.  That might be the problem. I just haven't given myself enough time to process 7788. It was traumatic, afterall, so it should take time...but I thought it had been long enough. So what do I have to do to delete 7788 from my hard drive? Where's that wand doohicky from Men in Black that erases memories? I want that. 

Then, I could erase other people's memories too muahahahahahaha! <<---- Basically, all I meant by that was that if I fell and slipped on Gatorade in the middle of the cafeteria in high school when it was FULL of my classmates, I would want to delete that memory from their minds...and yeah, that's a true story. I smelled like weird fruit all day...and it was sticky.

Oh tangents...anyway.

Well, I think you get the gist of what I was trying to say. I regret 7788, and I wish the memory of 7788 would disappear. 

I will work on that and get back to you.

Until then, maybe one of these days, I will write about something funny or happy or anything not so depressing as douchebags and bad memories.

OMG I ALMOST FORGOT! Blogger world, MY BEST FRIEND IS ENGAGED!!!

This post really sucked. Sorry It came off so "stream-of-consciousness" like. I am le tired...

Goodnight.

<3

B